Is Golf A TOUCHY SUBJECT In Your Marriage?

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By admin June 5, 2015 21:28

Is Golf A TOUCHY SUBJECT In Your Marriage?

“This is in line with age-related shifts in socio-emotional goals,” Holley said. Several studies have shown, Holley explained, that as people age they place less importance on arguments and seek more positive experiences, perhaps out of a sense of making the most out of their remaining years.

 

Is Golf A TOUCHY SUBJECT In Your Marriage?

With some couples, golf can be argumentative. When one spouse plays golf and the other doesn’t, the non-playing spouse can develop negative feelings asking “Why is my husband spending so much time playing golf?” or “Why when I ask him what time he’s going to come home from playing golf, he can’t give me an exact time?”

 

Arguing with your spouse about golf, or where to go on vacation, or how to handle the kids, or grandchildren is not unusual. However, what’s important is finding a healthy way to resolve the arguments. Age can affect how married couples handle conflict. As you age, you may find yourself handling these disagreements more often by changing the subject, according to a San Francisco State University study directed by Sarah Holley, assistant professor of psychology, who directs the school’s Relationships, Emotion and Health Lab.

 

Holly followed 127 middle-aged and older long-term married couples across 13 years, checking in to see how they communicated about conflicts from housework to finances and other activities. The researchers videotaped the couples’ 15-minute discussions, noting the types of communication they used when talking about contentious topics.

 

Holley and her colleagues wanted to see how the couples might change in their use of a common and destructive type of communication called the “demand-withdraw pattern,” as they aged. In the demand-withdraw pattern, one person in a relationship blames or pressures their partner for a change, while the partner tries to avoid discussion of the problem or passively withdraws from the interaction.

 

The researchers found that while most aspects of demand-withdraw communication remained steady over time, both husbands and wives “increased their tendency to demonstrate avoidance during conflict,” Holley said. That is, when faced with an area of disagreement, both spouses were more likely to do things such as change the subject or divert attention from the conflict.

 

Avoidance is generally thought to be damaging to relationships as it gets in the way of conflict resolution. For younger couples, who may be grappling with newer issues, this may be particularly true. But for older couples, who have had decades to voice their disagreements, avoidance may be a way to move the conversation away from “toxic” areas and toward more neutral or pleasant topics, the researchers suggest.

“This is in line with age-related shifts in socio-emotional goals,” Holley said. Several studies have shown, Holley explained, that as people age they place less importance on arguments and seek more positive experiences, perhaps out of a sense of making the most out of their remaining years.

Written by Dan Poppers

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By admin June 5, 2015 21:28